Heart Soul Mind Strength

Happily Ever After

My life has been an adventure. I was raised in a family of seven that believed in the gospel of Jesus Christ, the call to love God and everyone else, and the conviction to pursue the doing of good for others. After a childhood education that included public, private and home school, I spent a few of my early adult years as a missionary. After college, I spent some time in the military where I met and married my husband. From season to season, God has faithfully tested my faith and character.

Above: Mom and Dad’s wedding (Left), baby me (top right), elementary me washing dishes (middle right), me becoming a big sister (lower right)

I remember so much warmth and protection growing up with two faithful parents, two older brothers, an older sister, and eventually a blue-eyed little brother.

Daydreaming occupied most of my mental space and was usually the culprit that got me into trouble. I enjoyed any activity that allowed me to daydream or pretend while I did it. I was famous among siblings for enthusiasm to wash dishes, vacuum (and sing in harmony with the machine), and any cleaning activities. I ran around outside barefooted on purpose and intentionally toughened my feet to walk on the Texas summer asphalt.

From age four or five, I remember Momma teaching Bible lessons to groups of children. She always emphasized to teach a lesson from the Bible story, not just to entertain with stories from the Bible. She learned to weave the elements of the gospel, which is the overall story of everything, into every Bible story. This method is similar to the elements of every story told, beginning with the setting, introducing the characters the way they are supposed to be, the introduction of a problem that threatens the beautiful situation, the growth of that conflict to a climax that brings with it a resolution from the conflict, and ultimately the restoration of the initial beautiful relationship situation. This is a reflection of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which actually begins in Genesis when God created everything we know, and will end when Revelations’ occurrences are complete. And so, with every story I hear, see, read, or partake in, I can remember that it reflects God’s story.

Among the top childhood literature influences, Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House book series initiated my experiences getting lost in books, as I read it on repeat as a child. Putting myself into the story, I let my long brown hair loose in the gusty south Texas coastal winds as “Laura.” For many years, I saw my siblings and I in Peter, Edmund, Susan, and Lucy from the Chronicles of Narnia. These stories were full of lessons, and my human ability to imagine myself looking from someone else’s perspective made these stories rich ways to prepare for life with ideas of how to respond in multiple situations.  My parents used my own interests to “[t]rain up a child in the way [I] should go, (Proverbs 22:6).”

I played on the school playground monkey bars up until I was at least 18 years old, working on upper body strength and courage to climb dangerously high on the football goal posts. Homeschool allowed me to do a variety of self-directed activities. My natural bent was towards physical movement, sensory-enriching activities, meaningful contribution (chores), reading, daydreaming, and learning.

As a young adult, a love for creating detailed schedules and plans emerged when I enrolled in community college. Unaware of the existence of such a thing as a guidance counselor, I chose a major, studied the requirements, enrolled in the appropriate classes, and planned my schedule down to half-hour intervals. Sketching out this detailed schedule on graph paper with helpful reminders such as “eat a banana” at the perfect moment prior to a kinesiology class won me some amused laughter from other students; however, I loved planning every aspect of my day and making sure I carried with me everything I needed to get it done. For me, it took too long by city bus to run home and get anything I forgot. I regularly wore one book-filled backpack and pulled a rolling bag along behind me and usually walked the last few miles of the route to school because I learned that I could beat the bus to school if I walked very quickly. I had no idea that I was in pre-conditioning for the Army.

Between my first two semesters of college and the rest of my higher education, I spent about five years training and being a missionary. The way I grew up was all about doing what Jesus told us to do as much as possible. I accompanied Dad on dental mission trips beginning sometime in the first decade of my life. In 1992, my family went all together on a mission trip where I got to serve alongside a large group of doctors, nurses, pharmacists, dentists, and children’s workers to tangibly share God’s love for people we didn’t know in a small mountain village in Mexico. I felt God’s love flowing down through me to others around me and saw the Kingdom of God in action – people loving and serving each other not for any personal profit or gain. I gained another valuable experience by moving to Indonesia at age 19 and loving people because Jesus does; however, I needed to learn more lessons by experience to mature.

When I returned to school, I deliberated for hours over what course of study to begin (middle school math teacher), later added kinesiology onto it, and later abandoned the first course to complete Kinesiology: Pre-Physical Therapy, a Bachelor of Science.

From 2007 through 2012, I trained and ran a marathon each November or December, except the year of the ankle injury. Running generated energy for the rest of life and served as my mental and emotional processing station through most of college. Adding biking to school, rucking, and occasional CrossFit (it was pricey), I was really overtraining and under-sleeping for at least three years. My all in, all-or-nothing way of life was not healthy or balanced. I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in December 2012, received my Army Officer Commission, and turned 30 in January 2013. My body was struggling to restore itself as fast as I was in the habit of breaking it down.

I signed up for Reserve Officer Training Corps as a way to help me stay interested when I was getting tired of school. Due to starting, stopping, and changing majors, finishing two Associate of Arts and one Bachelor of Science degrees took serious school endurance. I enjoyed the early mornings, the abundance of physical challenges, the leadership, and camaraderie of ROTC.

So much about the Military I did not anticipate, but I tend to boldly move ahead full speed with daydreamy optimism in my imagination and little connection to reality. I met so many people I respect and admire working long hours to fulfill a dizzying array of requirements and get things done while also taking care of the others doing the same thing.

I learned about many things I have no natural interest in and completed more work than I ever thought I could with the desire to see my people have what they needed to do well. For me, it was a hamster wheel. I didn’t know how to permit myself to create margins or boundaries. As long as there was work to do, I was trying to get it done.

I didn’t understand when people seemed not to care about my effort at all unless the result was perfect every time. I didn’t understand people who did as little work as possible, happy to let someone else do more. I didn’t understand that people who had margins and balance might not appreciate a teammate that was always stressed out and tired because she didn’t just stop and leave tomorrow for tomorrow. Instead of integrating work into the bigger story of my life, I made it my whole life. I left Active duty feeling like I had mostly failed. I went through some despair, deepened by a miscarriage.

After some reflection and processing, I returned to the Reserve to try again. I maybe did a little better; despite overburdening myself with responsibility beyond my actual responsibility. I didn’t feel like a failure at the end because I never gave up on the goal I was driving towards, and I did everything I did out of a place of genuine love for the precious people I worked with. I came out feeling like I completed that course of experiential learning with lessons I continue to explore. I feel stronger for the difficulties with a more resilient love for others and my cup overflows with God’s grace and mercy.

When I run full speed into life’s unavoidable harsh realities, it hurts more than is reasonable because I didn’t expect it. On balance, I account greater benefit came out of the less comfortable portions of my life journey.

The old story of the gospel Jesus taught is reason enough take courage and allow optimism to grow again on top of the old ruin – resurrection from the dead into new life.

God, through my parents, set me on a good path and deposited into me love and the good news of redemption through faith. Love allows freedom, a sense of adventure, responsibility, and awareness of personal purpose and value. As I live in the grace of God through faith, each day holds hope and joy through any experienced difficulty because it’s just a small detail in a story with a real happily ever after.